I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
