Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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