what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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