Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
