i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
