There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
