Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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