yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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