I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
