So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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