2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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