Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
