Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
