My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
