She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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