at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
