I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
