just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
