it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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