Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Pooping to opera.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
