Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
