I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
