I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
