Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm at about main and main street
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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