after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
