Sry I called you an 8
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
