I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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