So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
