i just wanna soil my oats bro
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
