That's intense
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
