She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
