I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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