I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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