Yo dont text me then not text me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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