When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
