i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
