Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
