I love black thongs
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
