every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
