Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
