Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize