I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
