Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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