Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I will be naked everywhere
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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