when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
