i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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