You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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