Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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