You're my little dorito
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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