not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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