the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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