Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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