I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
