I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
