i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
