You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
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