im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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