turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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