The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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