sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
