I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize