We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
