Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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