THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
