i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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