mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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