We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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