i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
