new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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