I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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