I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
