Im at strip club and am horny
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
