Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
