my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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