i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize