is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
