There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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