Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
