so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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