the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
