I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
