You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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