you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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