so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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