hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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