i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
