Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
