I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize