He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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