I cockslap morals
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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