I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
