One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize