SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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