is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
