wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize