If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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