***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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