Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
