Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
