Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
